Image belongs to Page Lynch. Shot on RED Scarlet-X at 5K with a Canon 50mm f/1.4 lens.
Listen… It’s the sound of love breaking down. Do you hear it? Of course, you do. You hear it everyday:
- “He just isn’t giving me what I need right now.”
- “I realized that I never loved her.”
- “I’m not sure we were meant to be together.”
It is happening all around me, and it’s very tough for everyone involved. In fact some of this has hit far too close to home.
Here Is A Thought:
There is an idea out there that we are fated to be with a certain person; a very popular idea. You’ve seen it manifest itself in pretty much every Disney princess. You’ve listened to it preached from pulpits. Worst of all, you’ve probably tried living your life by it, at least to some extent.
The entire idea is something we’ve concocted to tell gripping romantic stories, which is fine, but it became a problem when we made it our reality. It’s a problem because it is a misrepresentation of what love actually is.
Would you like to hear the most unromantic thing ever? My wife and I have both agreed that we could be with someone else… talk about your romantic buzz kill! But we have also agreed to something else… something great… something far more foundational than a quest for the perfect significant other: My wife and I have both agreed that we choose to be with each other. Period.
Harping On Hormones:
Certainly, there is a chemical process that is set ablaze when we meet someone for the first time. When I saw Amy, I basically thought two things:
- “She seems really cool.”
- “Nice butt.” (If a guy says he didn’t look that direction, he’s a liar.)
That was chemical. That was the brain. That was hormones. It was a lot of things, but it wasn’t love. I think something we can all agree on is that love is intended to last. Love doesn’t fail; humanity does. Even when we’re mad at the other person, we say things like, “The love just isn’t there anymore.” It’s a statement that protects the idea of love but mislabels it as a fleeing chemical connection. Chemical, immediate, gushy connections are unstable and not to be trusted. However, we have to call love something, so what do we call it if not a natural fated occurrence that can step in or out if we look at it the wrong way?
That Illusive Love Thing:
“Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not boast…” and on it goes. We all know that scripture, but what does it mean? We know that love is all of these things, and we know that God is love, so what the heck is this thing that we call love?! What causes two people to stay married until death parts them 65 years later and call it LOVE?!
The answer is actually pretty simple: Love is everything that we are not… at least not naturally. Love is hard work. It is a mastery of selflessness. It is hard work to be kind. It is hard work to be patient. It is selfless to serve another person. It is selfless to not be self-absorbed. Really, if you think about it, it is the opposite of what the American culture prides itself in, which is, of course, the pursuit of the self.
Honestly, sometimes it downright sucks serving another person. Some days you just don’t want to do it. But the more you do, the more you realize that life is far happier when doing so. Funny ole world, ain’t it?
Ain’t No Fate Thang:
Being married isn’t choosing to stay with the person that God says you are simply fated to fuse yourself to or else suffer His wrath: It is a promise to work hard at the hard work of serving that other person. Really, it is quite freeing when you think about it because if you haven’t made the connection yet, all of this also means that it is perfectly okay for you to not get married at all. You have that choice! You aren’t fated for anyone!
So, stop acting like love is a quest on a path made of weak ice that could break and doom you if you make a wrong step. Live your life! Along the way, if you find someone you want to make a binding promise to love, understand that you are making that someone your life’s work, and it will be difficult, and it will be wonderful. And remember, just like love, promises are also intended to last.