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The Story:
He had performed every diagnostic imaginable on the system. Any conceivable scenario where a malfunction could cause catastrophic failure or death had been meticulously eradicated from the programming. And he was almost finished setting up all of the necessary hardware for the first test.
He fastened his light arrays to chains on the ceiling of his workshop, as they lazily swung to a standstill after every touch. He had discovered months ago that the system needed some flex, rather than solid walls—that was a bad day.
Once all of the arrays were in place, he half stepped down, half jumped off the ladder and ran over to several large capacitors. He connected a wire and flipped a switch on the wall, labeled “MASTER.” All of the lights in his shop dimmed and a loud hum reverberated throughout. It was working.
He threw on the spacesuit he had managed to steal from his last job. After today, they would be sorry they didn’t listen to his theories.
Once he had fastened the last clasp of the suit, he stepped into the area between the light arrays. He paused to take the first slow, deep breath he’d taken in years, turned on his helmet camera, and pressed a button on his wrist.
The machine’s humming pulsated, and the light arrays grew brighter. As the light became too bright for him to keep his eyes open, it bent inward. In a brilliant flash, he disappeared from his shop and reappeared on a desolate landscape beside a sea of methane.
Looking up at the sky, he was greeted by Saturn and its rings looming over the surface. He jumped up and down, pumping his fists and laughing hysterically.
“I did it! First man on Titan! Let’s see what else I can be first man on…”
He changed the coordinates on his wrist display and pressed a button again. This time, he appeared on Mars with a rover only feet away from him. Its camera focused on him, and he saluted it with a smile.
“Alright, and first man on…”
He turned around, and two men in spacesuits were standing right in front of him. They grabbed him by the arms before he could change coordinates again.
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