The featured image above is used solely for the purposes of reviewing and belongs to Paramount Pictures.
“In the beginning there was nothing…” -Noah movie
EDUCATION
You can watch this movie and be appalled at the details of the biblical Noah story that were blatantly cast aside, presumably for not being gripping enough for cinema. Matt Walsh wrote a blog post along these lines that you can read here. He’s spot on in many ways (especially about the movie’s marketing strategy).
You can also watch this movie and choose to only see the good, excusing the filmmakers’ dismissal of the few biblical details we do have. Phil Cooke and some others have written articles along these lines that you can read here. They are also spot on in many ways.
As a Theology major and a filmmaker, I like to strive for finding a balance between the extremes when it comes to these Bible-based movies. I try to keep an open mind. I really do try. To do this, I feel that I have to understand both sides before deciding in which camp I want to pitch my tent or if I want to make my own camp, like any good disgruntled denominational protestant would.
Before I really begin, as a movie consumer you need to understand that if you want filmmakers to make compelling biblical adaptations for the big screen, you have to let us be storytellers. “True” stories are never left verbatim for the big screen, and books are always changed to fit the cinema flow. The same simply must happen with Bible stories. We don’t do this because we despise these stories. We do this because if we didn’t, you would hate the movie. You would not watch it. You would not go. You would mock it because it would downright suck. You would be correct.
Also, remember that movies are not just art; they are business. So, you want an epic movie, and to make any money, we have to give you one. Otherwise, you don’t give us money, and we quit making movies, and you don’t get anymore movies, and we load boxes at UPS for a living.
The goal of adapting true stories, books, or Bible stories for cinema is always to tell the story in a compelling and inspiring way that captures the essence and meaning of the original story, while making a profit. There can be extremes for story, and there can be extremes for profit. This is the ground upon which I judge… er… critique the Noah movie.
THE GOOD
A booming voice from God in movies is just too foreign to us today. It could be caressed by the best sound mixer’s hands in cinema, but it would still come off sounding like a giant talking ball of cheese. I love that the director chose to make God speak to Noah through a dream. It was tastefully done, too. Noah had to interpret the dream, and he had to seek help with that interpretation from an older and wiser man of faith, Methuselah (timelines aside).
Another thing I loved is that Noah, his family, and the people of earth referred to God as the “Creator.” I’m a firm believer in the power that changing terminology has over our minds when a term has been perverted to the point that it loses meaning and substance. How many Christians do you know that exclaim “OH MY GOD!” like it’s nothing? The word “God” is a word we have to describe Him, but the word itself is losing meaning for us. Saying “Creator” forces me to remember who He truly is. What if we started referring to Him as the “Creator” or the “Lion” and left it at that? Just something to think about… maybe it’s just me that likes that idea. For the record, I always strive to say “going to worship” or “gathering” or something like that, as opposed to saying “going to church,” for the very same reason. We are the Church. You can’t go there. Anyway, moving on…
Mercy is a theme. The Creator shows continuous mercy to mankind throughout the biblical narrative, and He completes that mercy through the Lion. So, it is appropriate and accurate to have mercy be the main theme of the Noah movie, and it is appropriate and accurate to have mercy be a struggle for mankind to exhibit. Noah struggles with it in the movie… severely. Yes, the story is altered to display this, and I hate that, but if you are looking for an example of mercy, it is there. Here’s the parallel:
[row]
[column width=”4″ offset=””]ALL of mankind deserved to die.
The Creator saw an innocent family, but they too deserved to be wiped out because they were still mankind.
The Creator spared them because of His love and mercy.[/column]
[column width=”4″ offset=””]ALL of mankind deserved to die.
Noah saw innocent babies, but they too deserved to be wiped out because they were still mankind.
Noah spared them because of His love and mercy.[/column]
[/row]
Is it biblically accurate? Not in the slightest, but it’s a clever way of exemplifying the heart of God, and quite frankly, that’s not an easy thing to do without raising the cheese factor.
THE BAD
Most of the stuff in “THE GOOD” section above. Why? Because it’s only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to just how far they actually strayed from the biblical narrative. Additionally:
Ham and Japheth didn’t have wives yet.
“Mankind” wasn’t evil; only the DUDES were evil. All of the women were innocent victims of men. ‘MERICA!
“Mankind” was evil simply because it was carnivorous and damaging to the environment… the poor animals just wanted to be cuddled. Also, killing a man is okay when he’s harming an animal. ‘MERICA!
Noah’s wife was the real moral guidance of the family, not Noah blogs.asburyseminary.edu. ‘MERICA!
Scary rock creatures that were really crusty fallen angels with soft hearts who were more merciful to mankind than God Himself and could be stabbed to death……………
Methuselah was basically a cooky wizard. Prayer doesn’t do much, but talking to Methuselah for five minutes yields miracles. God doesn’t turn barren women into baby-baring women… ONLY the hand of Midas… I mean, Methuselah can do that!
They still managed to squeeze in a little bit of the sex. ‘MERICA!
The main bad guy sneaks onto the ark and tries to cause a mutiny. It’s okay, though, because martial arts master Noah took him down pretty easily before rebellious Ham stabbed him to save the father he spent nine months hating for necessarily leaving behind a girl (pinned by a sophisticated bear trap) that Ham knew for a few hours.
Hermione is still Hermione. I don’t care what name you give her. She’s Hermione. Her performance was terrific. But she’s still Hermione.
Ham walks off into the sunset… into a world with no women. Presumably, this is to make way for a Noah 2 where Ham discovers the last surviving female, who also just so happens to be a Hollywood bombshell of woman.
THE GOAL
Paramount’s intentions are crucial here. Here is their disclaimer for Noah:
[blockquote sign=”National Religious Broadcasters and Paramount Pictures”]The film is inspired by the story of Noah. While artistic license has been taken, we believe that this film is true to the essence, values, and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide. The biblical story of Noah can be found in the book of Genesis.[/blockquote]
Their full statement can be read here.
So, that’s the goal. What you want to know is if they hit that goal or if they were off the mark.
Personally, I believe they were not only off the mark, but I don’t think they even tried to hit it. In agreement with Matt Walsh, I think the movie is so incredibly different from the biblical narrative that it is actually a different story. This means that the only reason for keeping the name “Noah” on the movie is for marketing. The Christian audience is a strong one, and they wanted those dollars. Seriously, they could have called it “Flood” and changed Noah’s name and just called the ark a boat, and you very well might have come out of the movie saying, “Huh… It was a lot like Noah in the Bible… I wonder if they were trying to do that?” Yes, it’s that far off the mark. The story’s “essence, values, and integrity” Paramount claims to be upholding are completely changed into a postmodern American viewpoint with the typical Hollywood mass destruction of the world accompanying it.
If you want to watch a truly inspiring, heartwarming movie about Noah that captures the essence of the story with more accuracy, watch “Evan Almighty.”
THE MOVIE
Aside from the biblical inaccuracy, it just isn’t a good movie. The whole thing is boringly predictable. The characters are stagnant. It isn’t very exciting. Several animations are sub-par in their shading and movements. And you actually don’t even get the sense that anything was really accomplished. If I had never read the Bible, I’d be wondering what on earth the point of all of that mayhem was. However, there is a weird, crappy rainbow at the end.
I would recommend you not wasting your money, simply based on that. It’s a blah movie with a mediocre plot where not very much happens in a very predictable way.
THE TRUTH
The truth of all of this is that it doesn’t matter whether you watch this film. So many Christians are asking the question, “Should we boycott this film because it’s so inaccurate?” Well, let me tell you something:
You watch sex scenes with nudity, you watch “Breaking Bad” (with no explanation needed), you watch movies with “R” ratings without reading why it got that rating… But you want to boycott a Bible-based movie because it’s “inaccurate”?!
Do you not see the hypocrisy here?! “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”
You may not like it, but in this world you constantly vote with your money, not your freaking Facebook status. This one movie should be the absolute LEAST of your concerns. You’re going to boycott this movie and stay home and watch “The Walking Dead” because that’s the right thing to do, right? I’m just trying to point out how little sense that makes! At least “Noah” is cleaner than most of the trash content we won’t even consider boycotting!
YES, I am guilty of watching these things too, and NO, I am not suggesting we all just watch kids’ movies.
We are adults, and we can handle mature content. But you should be striving to develop the spiritual maturity to differentiate between mature content for pleasure and mature content with a redemptive purpose. There’s nothing cheesier than a Christian film where the world doesn’t act like the world, but there is nothing more morally destructive than watching a naked chick get busy for ten minutes.
THE SOLUTION
If you are wanting “accurate” Bible-based movies, there are plenty of Christians out there who are filmmakers, like myself. We are waiting, fresh stories in the hopper, for Christians to invest in great, redemptive content that is based on the lessons the Bible teaches us. Noah was about a $125 million movie. Working together, churches and ministries could fund movies like this themselves (and it doesn’t take that much money either)… movies that look beyond awful volunteer actors who play firefighters, policemen, [insert under-appreciated emergency worker here], or football players that might righteously reprimand a worldly person for saying a dirty word (driving home how bad they really are).
Stop watching crap. Put your money where your quick-to-boycott heart is. Invest in the people that will do Bible-based movies right; creatively filling in the details, while actually keeping the story intact. Invest in the people that will do faith-based stories right; displaying sin for the ugliness that it is, with the goal of conveying redemption. Demand that your church leaders give filmmakers the platform to do what we do. Don’t waste your money on this mediocre movie. Invest it in the people that will make you a better one!